When to start over.... I always think about the fact that allot of us need a clean slate and a chance to just start over. I was in thought earlier today and came up with the conclusion I need to start over. My life needs a fresh start. I get comfortable where I am and what I'm doing and then I get mad at my self a month or so down the road at where I am or what I'm doing. I have not been pushing myself or challenging myself like I know I need to be lately. What can I do different? How can I make myself do it? Why do I think it will work this time? I just have to tell myself "I'm giving you a clean slate and a fresh start, don't look back just keep going".

Goals I want to accomplish
*Running everyday at 7:30. It will start my day off right and get my mind rolling and my blood flowing.
*Go to MCC and drop my papers off. This will get my finacial aid rolling.
*Blog everyday. This will help me to see where I am and What I'm doing about it.

Just a couple of goals for now so I don't get overwhelmed, I will add more as time goes on.

Well I'm going to go running right now so see ya!!!

a very hard decision

So I am try not to get upset at my husband for looking at porn and it is very hard. I've heard that every man struggles with the desire to look at other woman but it doesn't rest easy with me when it's my husband. I personally don't have a problem with guys who may be single and want to look at it but why would any man want to if they have a woman in their life? If a man can look at porn well in a relationship I don't think that man really loves who he's with. If He did truly love her he would want only the images of her and her beautiful body in his and not a bunch of little sluts who defile themselves. What do they benefit from it? An moment of gratification? Is it worth it? Is it worth the next time you make love to your wife your thinking about a woman that means shit to you rather than your wife who loves you and would want nothing more than her husband be thinking about her. Is it fair to your wife?

Well I want believe that it will never happen again but I know it will:::( It cuts so deep I wish he could feel it and I know he would never do it again. I makes me feel like I'm not what he wants. It only makes since that he wants what he searches for and thats not me, it some random bitch who may have a large fake ass. What do I do? I know there is nothing for me to do but be patient and keep loving him and encouraging him. If there is any advice you can give me I am all ears.