life's been busy

Well, it's been a while and I wish it hasn't been. So since the last time I've been here I have moved and bought a house. I love our new home and right now it is getting all fixed up. David and I are living in the basement and it will be so nice to have a little more room. I will have my very own room all to myself to do and be what ever it is I want! Well it's kind of weird but the main thing I want in my room is, well nothing. I want it to be a place where thought is provocted and ideas are created and new things are learned. I'm really excited about having closet space and room for my shoes and our new piano. There is so much to look forward to in the next couple of months. I am also excited to watch david be able to do more music and get where he wants with it. I love to listen to his beats and when he puts words to them it's majical. I am so lucky to be with David, we have come a long way and we still have a long way to go. I love him so much and I only hope I am all I can be for him. Well I should get to bed so SEE YA!

I can't take it

I just can't. My inside are screaming for freedom. I hate being lied to and stepped all over. I hate being used and tookin advantage of. But what do I do to get away from it all? I wish there was someone, someone I could spill all my shit on and they would care and try and help. I just need a good friend. Someone I trust and would be truthful and honest with me. Some one that would love me for me and not some of the time. ==( i need to do something different. Big time different, I need to distance myself from what hurts me and brings me down. I need to distance myself...that's the key to keeping myself sane i think. what the fuck esther? why am i so troubled? why? why? why? Why do I always go back? Back to the very thing that makes tomorrow look like my enemy?